Sequel of " Our Identity is our Masterpiece"
We all go through the confusion about what are our core strengths, at various stages in life. More so, in the middle age when we question our achievements. Isn't it worth the while to identify the root of this line of thought and build a cognitive wall to keep unwanted things far from affecting us?
Here is the story of little Hope that might relate to every one of us.
One mid summer day, in a ritzy hospital on a bustling street in the middle of an express city, Hope was born. Little Hope's birth marked the beginning of Mum's long maternity leave. Mum was ready to hold her little one and spend the rest of her days in a dreamland where there are no meetings, reports, client, calls or releases.Those were the days that felt surreal but only until it was time to step back into her real world, get back to office and revere the present, the present that challenges her capabilities, helps pay her bills and buys her access to gleaming worldly objects.
A year went by and Hope was turning more into a human with her own mind. Like all mornings, before rushing to work, mum was preparing to feed Hope's first meal herself (also to compensate for the guilt that will creep up in just an hour from then, for not being there for her). Today, she wanted to try something new, so she mashed up some potatoes. Hopeful and excited for such little things in life, Mum strapped Hope into her dining chair and brought the spoon full of potatoes close to her mouth. Alas, Hope was in no mood to eat so she waved her hand to touch mum's face playfully. Down went the spoon and the potatoes. Mum huffed and puffed and left the house, handing over Hope as well as all the mess to the babysitter. While driving, Mum was unconsciously investigating the reason for the Potato incident. The real reason why this must have happened. Just before reaching her work, she concluded in a rush that "Hope doesn't like potatoes".
A few years later one perfect evening, Mum decided to add a new dimension to Hope's life. It was time to eat out for the first time. Hope, Mum and her family went to the fanciest, upmarket restaurant. After all, the first day of eating out had to be nothing less than the best experience. The evening was a perfect setting. Clear sky, table by the shore, breeze touching their faces and the most important - a free baby seat with a strap. Mum, Dad and Hope sat at their table and mum exclaimed "Isn't this blissful? Ordering for themselves was easy but the big question was "what will Hope have?" If there was just one more person on the table, mum was ready to use Delphi's technique to brainstorm. She said "Remember, Hope doesn't like potatoes. Let's get her some broccoli". As soon as the bright green Broccoli came, she wiped here plate clean. Hence it was re-validated that "Hope doesn't like potatoes"
Soon, Hope turned to a 13 year old, curious, little teenager. She was curious about herself and intrigued about life. She wanted experiences that she can call her own. One day, Hope asked Mum "how was I when I was small? was I naughty? did I trouble you?" Mum said lovingly " No No, you were a darling. Chubby, cute and a little naughty, you used to walk all around the house exploring every nook and corner. But you know what , you didn't like Potatoes". Hope was so intrigued, she thought to herself. This was probably the first choice and a decision she has made on her own "I don't like potatoes"
The next day she went to school and told all her friends with a sense of pride about herself and the first fact that went into her "Identity" "She doesn't like potatoes"
As she lived out her teens, Hope went on to discover herself more. She realized she loved reading. It fueled her imagination, thoughts and perspectives. She loved having long hair, she loved comedy, she didn't enjoy sports that much, she hated watching horror movies and she loves spicy Indo-Chinese food. She was making her own unique and clear choices.
By understanding these experiences, Hope also realized something that shook her world. To her shock and dismay, she liked potatoes. How could this be? right? Mum told her all along that she didn't like Potatoes but truth is She does like Potatoes. She got confused and baffled now. Her ultimate crisis was "Should she pursue it, would that disappoint her mum?"
I know you must be thinking, this is a truck load of randomness. But, just for once, replace "Potatoes" with something more consequential in life, like, educational choices or career choice. Have we all not been told what we want or what we like? Are our wants not colored by others?
We chose the feeling of significance over feeling of Self worth. Isn't this what is bringing some of us to a crisis point?
Knowing what we truly stand for, will help us reestablish our self confidence and instill a sense of grounded-ness. Just for instance, think about your favorite sportsperson and you will notice, what stands out in them is that one value that they commit to. That is what helps them go through the lows and highs undeterred. Brands too spend in millions to build their core values and spend more to ensure they live by it.
If we haven't thought about it already, something to think about during lock-down?
Food for thought - Potatoes, anyone??
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