Sometimes all of us need some help to break out of the loops in life.
A few years ago, I noticed a strange change in myself. There was a constant feeling of unease..I felt like danger looming... a catastrophe going to happen. I tried hard to track down the reasons, but my mind was not giving me answers.
I realized there is no apparent reason to feel this way if I can't point to it, right away. I thought to myself, "After all, there are scores of people in real situations at hand, and they don't worry! Why do I?" It was a valid point, and my logical self wanted to believe it badly but somehow I wasn't convinced. Soon, I started showing physical symptoms like feeling shortness of breath and general hot flashes. This is when I paused and thought to myself - "This can't be normal". I do realize now that when my mind space was such, I would also have been defensive in my demeanor in public. I tried to shoot back counters to anyone who wanted to judge me or seemed like they are judging me. (of course, in a professional environment, my reactions were not too blatant, or so I thought.). It was almost like I was a preempting catastrophe as an outcome of any event. It felt like a constant friction.
I needed help! But, didn't feel comfortable sharing it with anyone. How could I, when I didn't know what was wrong? Now it's a different story. I feel in control and I know this little story could help anyone out there who might need a little outside voice.
You might think, who could help us, if we don't share the problem with others? We have to come to our own rescue, first. Before things go out of control, it might be useful to try to understand how the brain works, identify the problem, bring positive changes and, see where it takes us. Trust me, I did it and it was one of my best decisions. There are many reasons why I liked this experience of self-discovery.
1. I found out that I am not alone! There are many people with cognitive distortions
2. It gave a definition to my personality type and no one else gave it, I owned it 100%. You are what you think you are.
3. I could relate to some of the points, more than others, helping me find out the root cause of certain clear issues.
4. Once we identify the problem, our mind is strong enough to help us win it over
Coming to the problem its worth the while to understand, why do we feel Anxious. In my case, I have always been risk-averse, I like the constant sense of Plan B and Plan C. Going on to more and more responsible roles in my life, I didn't realize when I had begun to be so risk-averse that I was overestimating the likelihood of negative events and underestimating successes. When things went south, I thought it was bound to happen and my plan B was activated. When things went well, I thought that there was nothing special about it and I moved to the next target.
Due to aversion to fail and fear to lose, we go into any major event, whether professional or personal, with multiple alternate plans in anticipation that we will fail or something catastrophic is bound to happen. To make matters worse, if we are ambitious, like many independent men and women of today so, we may volunteer into situations, where we see value. We are given more responsibilities as we progress and in parallel play full-time spouse, child, and parent. With so much at stake, we go on with life with plans over plans and catastrophizing the outcome. We might preempt bad outcomes with conviction, until proven wrong. All this does take a toll, quite evidently and help is only within. In my situation, I needed to cut myself some slack and Go easy!
In today's competitive world there are many men and women going through the thought loops causing anxiety and thinking in a similar pattern.
My learning helped me understand that Catastrophizing, Overgeneralizing, Discounting the positives etc.are general distortions that millions of people go through. We only need to identify and practice our mind to overcome these issues.
But, how do we do it? Firstly whenever you approach any situation, acknowledge that there there are two possibilities - Good and Bad. If your mind tells you that there are more chances of the result being bad, analyze the reason why you feel this way. Most probably it will be because you have had similar situations. Remind yourself of so many other instances where situations conclude in your favor too. Also, remind yourself of the fact that this situation is unique and no one can predict the outcome. Give credit to your capabilities to turn things around. Over-time and practice you will win it.
The bottom line is - Next time the mind scares you and tells you that you can't do something as you are not good enough. Think over it and list down the concrete reasons for feeling so. If reasons don't corroborate with your best version of self, know that it's a distortion and meant to be ignored.
A bonus of taking the chance and helping myself is that I am now a certified CBT Practitioner ;)
Love!
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